From a dear friend

At the beginning of summer, I met a man on one of those singles web sites. We knew that there was no physical attraction there (on my side anyway) but we formed a very nice friendship. The other day, I changed my facebook profile picture and he decided to write the following about my smile. Talk about making a girl melt. He is a muscian and likes to dable in poetry. I just wanted to share.

Inside of her Smile

I remember thinking of a woman I know
There was something about her, a hidden glow
Not as I see her on any given day
But a portrait she showed me, her smile gave away
This smile was real and not one in jest
The sparkling eyes, I was so impressed
Emitting a radiance where truth can take hold
No Woman is absent, no Woman too old
Determined then, in my mind to set free
This wonderful secret I thought I could see
Perhaps this is part of all Woman I've known
If sadness is hindered, then innocence is shown
Then suddenly it came to me, it came in a flash
In every face feature and every eye lash
For if you look deeper, you'll see its worthwhile
There still lives that little girl, inside of her smile

Robert Wood January 26th, 2009

Finding my way

I really need to start posting again. I forgot how much I enjoyed being able to use this as an outlet and being able to read other posts. I was always a bit jealous at some of the others that I follow as their ability to come up with interesting topics always amazed me. Mine are boring to say the least but being able to put thoughts/feelings down without judgement is a wonderful thing.

I've been doing alot of self discovery lately. Although I may not have liked everything I've discovered so far, it's brought me to a new place in my life. Feb. 3 I have an appointment with the admissions people at the Tech School in my town. I'm going to hopefully start taking generals then go in to the nursing program once my daughter graduates high school. I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. Considering the fact that I really sucked at high school, I'm not totally convinced that I can accomplish this without my head exploding but I'm willing to give it a shot. I might look stupid wearing the helmet but at least it would keep the mess down.

I'm also counting down to Feb. 21st. That's the day 10 of us leave for Cancun for 7 whole days. With it being so freaking cold in MN lately, I'm really anxious for a beach, and ocean and alot of sun. And a few of them umbrella drinks wouldn't be so bad either!

My two legged kids are doing well. 16 and female can make for a lethal combination in our home but we are working through it. 19 and male....well, he's stubborn like his father (nothing like me what-so-ever) and there are days I would like to put him through a wall. But all in all, they are great kids and just keeping their mom on her toes.

No the four legged kids are a different story. Lucy, who is the oldest, is the most hyer but she doesn't go potty in the house any more. Chops, the boxer is a total shithead and is asking to be eliminated from the face of the earth. Billy, the mini weiner dog is quite possibly the dumbest dog I've ever met. At nearly 6 months old, he pees in his bed and lays on the puppy pad. Goes outside but then comes in and potty's in the house. Wines excessively while in his kennel and barks at the cat, whom is the best behaved 4 legged I own. Chops and Billy will be going under the knife Tuesday. I almost did it myself but decided to have a little mercy on them and made the appointments with the vet. Lucky for them they are so cute.....not really but I keep telling myself that.

Still working, no dating, hangin with friends....that's life in a nut shell. No funny stories, no intersting topics. But I did want to thank the ladies for giving me a little feedback on my previous post. I will update you by saying that she has decided to go to prom with another boy and then go out to dinner with my son after. At this point, I have opted to take the silent approach. I will not get involved and I told her mother I feel it's best if she doesn't either. They have been going out long enough now that they need to work it out together.

Poll

My son, 19 (we be 20 next month) has been dating a girl for 2 1/2 years. She is a senior in high school. Prom is coming up and we got in to a discussion last night about him taking her to prom. He stated that she will have to find another date because he would look stupid going at 20 and wouldn't have anyone else there his age. I told him that it wasn't about him and he should take her as it is more special to the girl. My daughter agreed with him. What do you think? Am I out of line telling him he should take her?

Lost

Have you ever felt like you were truly happy in your life but yet felt so utterly lost? Made decisions only to find yourself so riddled with guilt over those decisions that it nearly wrips you in half?

I almost feel as if I have reached a crossroads in my life. A large part of me is very content with being single and on my own. I enjoy my independance, my ability to do things that I want to do without that other person in my life. Talk to others, meet new people, experience new things. And yet there is another side of me that feels so completely lonely at times that it hurts, huts bad. I hate times like these. Today has been one of those days. I don't know if it's the holiday or if it's recent decisions I've made in my life that are just catching up with me.

I find myself filled with questions, lots of questions. Do I want to go back to school? What would I do for a living? Outside of work, the gym and going to the bar, what can I do with myself? How can I make new friends?

Then I go to the other questions, the ones that haunt me on days like today, when I'm feeling sad. Why aren't decent men attracted to me? Why is it that people don't date anymore, they just "hook" up? Why can't men understand that just being honest is so much easier to deal with then if you lie? Just say it like it is, it may hurt but at least there is nothing to question, there's no room for confusion, noone's left feeling like a jerk.

I'm happy and content with my life, I really am. I just want something more fullfilling, something that helps me feel like I'm accomplishing something with my life.

Any suggestions?

Another new family member

Ok, so I know I'm crazy and now it's more apparent than ever. My daughter came home with Billy Friday night and he's here to stay.

And this is Bella, she's just letting Billy know that the bed will be hers before he can lay in it.

A mighty fine reminder

A friend sent this to me via Facebook today and I needed to post it.

You are single, make the best of it.
It DOESN'T mean you're not good enough,
It means noone is good enough for you.

I needed that one today. Funny how sometimes little "self-worth" reminders just seem to fall in your lap.

Have a wonderful weekend. I will be posting pics from our trip to Florida soon.

My new addiction......Edamame

I have a new addiction. It's all girl B's fault. I was going about my life eating half assed ok, cheating occassionally (everyday lately) when I spent a relaxing weekend with her at her cabin. She was preparing dinner and decided to introduce me to this delightful little bean. Once that can be steamed and enjoyed in less than 5 minutes. The fun part is that you have to pop them out of their hairy little housing to enjoy. I had to make a stop at Trader Joes over the weekend to pick up four bags, one of which is sitting in the freezer here at work. I get a bowl from the cafeteria and some saran wrap. Pour in the beans, add a little pepper and water, nuke for 3 minutes and I have a wonderful snack. I have now passed on this little delight to the woman who sits next to me and she found them in the natural department at Cub. In the freezer section, totally naked from being already removed from the hairy pod. I was excited at the idea of being able to pick these up for salads and soups but I must admit that I will continue to eat them from the pod for snacks.

So thanks B for enlighting me in the snacking arena. I'm enjoying these little green wonders and hopefully, so will my waistline!