I'm looking for a little advice from the few (and the proud) that actually read my blog.
This whole "dating" thing...how does it work. I mean seriously? It's ok to meet and go out with different men? Can you kiss them? Can they fondle you? Is a "one nighter" acceptable or does that make you a dirty whore? What about younger "men"? How much younger before you look really stupid? Do you give them your number right away or is there a protocol? I don't get this and I'm really confused. Not like they are knocking down my door but there was a couple. Is sex the only thing that guys are looking for or are there still nice gentlemen out there? Can you date without drama? How do you know if they are in a relationship and bull shitting you by saying they aren't?
I appreciate your help. I'm a old dog trying to learn new tricks and I don't know which side to lift my leg on the fire hydrant!
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6 comments:
I applaud your coming right out and asking the tough questions daisy. I am on the male side of this with you. hard to know proper protocol at times. I like the baseball analogy in thinking of your query here. Get up to the plate, take a few swings to see how things go, take time to make sure Im seeing the field. Hit a single and go to firstbase but settle for that and stay there for a long time,waiting for the game to go into the 5th inning or more before trying to hit a double or more lol Hope that gave you a chuckle. I seek to be a gentleman and respect the lady, bnt i will be open to watching for her hints that she is open to new at bats :)
OOohhhh girl you are in a place where it's entirely up to you what you want from someone else.Not what others say.I hate to sound so unhelpful but ya know what Nettie?
You deserve to have someone in your life who treats you the way you want and deserve to be treated.
'Nough said by me.
I think you have to do what feels comfortable. I'm just as baffled by the whole thing as you are. The odds of finding someone good are what you make of it, and you just have to give it your best shot and not get lost along the way.
It really depends on what you want when the dating is done. I personally think old-fashioned ideals secure lasting relationships. I don't think it's okay to kiss on the first date or have sex on the second. I think a mature relationship means you hold back a bit to make sure this guy is even what you want.
I have a close male friend who dates a LOT. If he has sex within the first month with a girl, she's categorized as easy. To hear him talk to my husband makes me cringe, but my husband says, "That's how single guys act, Beth."
Age is a number, but if you have to say to a guy, "That was before you were born," that's too young. lol
Have fun and good luck.
I think kissing on the first date is ok...if it feels right. Sex as a one night stand?? No. Absolutely not. If you're wasted or if for some reason it does happen, fine, some of my friends do...but they call themselves whores and those guys don't usually come back. You set the rules. Date as many men as you want, you're not contracted to stay with any one guy, but if some seem particularly interested maybe let them know you are kind of playing the field and seeing what's out there right now. You know, not ready for a commitment and all that crap.
Oh hon, I feel for you, dating's pretty loopy! I think it works best when you do it on your terms & just be yourself...it might mean more disappointing dates, but ultimately that spares you going the rounds of scripted behavior just to have it get funky the minute you both start getting real.
As for intimacy rules, I never followed any but my own, and those changed with the circumstances. It made more sense to me that when I was in a vulnerable place, I should wait longer before any intimacy...and also that a fantastic date with someone whom I felt very comfortable with created different boundaries than another man I might be into, but less sure about.
I broke all the proper-lady rules with hub...and I felt scandalous & it was wonderful! LOL I usually kissed guys by the 2nd date b/c kissing for me tells me everything about chemistry...some of the nicest guys, I just had zero chemistry with & the kiss always revealed that.
I don't really know about the age differences...I'd base it more on maturity level. If you're happy, it's really easy to tell any party-poopers to go to hell :)
I actually think being out-of-practice is good...you're coming at it with a fresh perspective! Some of the most confused people I know are Masters of the Dating Scene who have been doing it for a decade.
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