So I met someone on MySpace and we started chatting about being in relationships with people that are just not good for us. Alcoholics, drug users, drama, etc. We decided last night that we want to start up a support group for other out there just like us. Here's the problem, since we both have horrible track records of picking out someone that has their shit together, I am reaching out to my blog friends for a little help. I am looking for advice on finding a "healthy" partner. Also, for those of you that have also experienced the same thing, what kinds of questions should be asked and what are the "little" signs that you would say someone should be looking for as a prelude to the fact that this person will no doubt bring problems to the relationship. Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.
I thank you, and my fellow MySpace friend thanks you as well.
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6 comments:
My sis has always been with men who are very bad for her. When we talk about it, she credits me with having better radar than she does. I tell her that isn't true, and in fact, with her history, there's probably far greater detail at work in her warning system than in mine b/c where I see "possible drug user", she's experienced them day in, day out.
As we continue to talk about a guy she's dating, she reveals how much her radar is at work by all the warning signs she's interpreting in exactly the right ways--but almost immediately she counters this with self-doubt, a list of his good qualities, what she hopes, what she fears, maybe she's being crazy, making too much of things, etc. And at least in her situation, I believe this is the problem.
So my advice is rooted in that...don't work against your arsenal of experience that tells you there's something funky. On the one hand you might not have a lot of experience with "healthy" partners, but you absolutely do know what you want to avoid.
I think it's so great that you & your friend are starting a support group. I'd love to hear how it comes along.
I'm sick of games. I know I'm 'only21-years-old, but I've fallen for more then one 'badboy.' All they do is break your heart and leave you high and dry. I think there needs to be a balance. I'd like a man who - admittedly is good looking - and has an edge to him. I want him to be independant, financially sound, emotionally available, open, and kind. I obviously want children, so I'd like that to be a common goal down the road. I also like a man who takes pride in his appearance - as I do. I like a man who is fashionable in his own way. I'm not in a relationship right now - nor am I actively looking. They say that's how you hit the jackpot. Ne c'est pas?
Ohhh, I don't know how to answer that one. I think you need to listen to your gut. If it feels bad, seems bad, or reminds you of some place you have been before that wasn't good - well, then, run! It's finding the strength to just walk away. Stop giving the person chance after chance. Honestly it should be easy to be with someone. If it feels like work it's probably wrong. If you have to change who you are, what you do, or how you speak or act than it is probably wrong. I have found that my gut is the one that is the most true. My heart I can't always trust.
jo has definitely hit on an important point!
my "spider senses" are excellent but I always fight them
humans are the only creatures who question their instincts!
It's me again!
Happy Birthday!!
Here's to a great year - full of daisies and outrageous shoes that don't pinch.
I'm just here to say, "Happy Birthday!!!" Had I known before, my present wouldn't be late. *Sigh*
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